As classy as glitter on styrofoam, as mysterious as a fog machine, and as helpful as a man dressed in leather who occasionally steals your siblings.

What the Goblin Sommelier suggests you would be wise not to argue with.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Top Ten List of Top Ten Lists Which Don't Exist But Should

1.  Top ten places to hide a squirrel at the office

2.  Top ten styles of spreading butter on bagels using common dungeon equipment

3.  Top ten people who should have been involved with Monty Python if they hadn't died in the 13th Century

4.  Top ten lipsticks which let you peer into men's souls to see the yawning caverns of awe and wonder therein, and also when their next dentist appointment is.

5.  Top ten brands of boots to throw angrily at your ex's head from a second story window as he/she yells at you from the front lawn.

6.  Top ten ways of drawing &s, because ampersands are beautiful.

7.  Top ten indie bands in fiction invented by successful authors who feel a gnawing sense of failure because their jam band in high school/college never really got any good gigs and they're still secretly in love with the wife of the lead singer

8.  Top ten gay and lesbian bars of Weimar Germany.  Seriously, someone do the research and publish this already, this is knowledge I need to have in my life and I don't speak enough German to find out for myself.

9.  Top ten sushi restaurants in the Harry Potter universe.  You're thinking about magical wizard sushi now, aren't you?  I bet the Malfoys had their own private sushi chef.

10.  Top ten ways of turning everyone you know into a polar bear.

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