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Saturday, December 14, 2013

Alternate Forms of Anger

I don't know the origins of 'hangry', do you?  I think I first heard it uttered by a human in life last year and I immediately disliked the term and shortly after that secretly adopted it into the dictionary of imaginary words that lives in my heart.

I can't say that I've ever felt hangry specifically, but I really really identify with feeling anger but thinking that I'm feeling something else.  Here are some of the kinds of "angry" that I deal with:

Cleangry - When you feel a need to pointlessly clean every inch of your house, right now, including the top of the fridge, at 2am, because you can't sleep anyway since you keep going over and over that argument in your head. Cleangry spells seem like they could be useful, but often result in bizarrely half-cleaned kitchens that mock you in the morning before work when you're too tired to find the coffee that you moved and hid so you could really thoroughly clean the cupboards at 4:30 am.  Beware the Cleangry.

Bangry - Get your mind out of the gutter, this isn't slangry we're talking about here. Bangry is when you didn't really want to go out because you were in a bad mood and now that you're out at a venue every. single. band. is terrible, although everyone else seems to be enjoying them. In this moment, when you are taking out your anger at the bands playing, you are bangry.

KobiyashiMarangry - I'm not angry, it's just that absolutely every situation around me is set up to make me fail. What?  Why are you looking at me that way?  What? Shut up, this is not about me, this is about the Whole World! 

Fff-angry - This is when you fart out of anger.  I don't think this exists, but it should.

Hic-angry - This one unfortunately does exist, at least for me.  When you can't stop hiccuping because you're too upset to stop hiccuping.  It's an endless loop.

Libry - When you chain read books instead of feeling feelings. The Graphic Novel version of this is called Graphic Libry.  As in, I'm feeling really graphically libry right now, I just reread all of the Sandman books, can I borrow some of your Frank Millers?

Zengry - When you get rid of all of your furniture and stuff because you have a newly minimalist aesthetic.  Totally not because you have terrible memories about your ex connected to everything you own. Pro-tip, you'll want some kind of bed, and reconsider the urge to get rid of the bookcases.  Because you'll probably be libry later, and you'll need those things.

Z-gry  - I'm not angry, I just need to go to sleep right now.  It's a damn shame I got so zengry that I got rid of my bed last week.

Dreamgry - This often results from going to sleep z-gry in the hope that your subconscious will work out the feelings.  Sometimes works?  But being dreamgry is not a lot of fun when it doesn't.

Crangry - wherein you think you might be going crazy and have no clue why, until you realize that actually you're just very very angry about something very real and terrible that's happened that you are trying to ignore. 
...
That one might be a little less funny, as it's pretty much at the root of all of the others.  Hmmmm. 

We could also just say that crangry is what happens when you get so angry that all you can do is drink cranberry juice cocktail.  Yeah, let's go with that. I can't say that I've ever seen anyone angrily drink cranberry juice, but I think I'd like to. Rageful juice-drinking seems safer and more entertaining than wall-punching or fork-stabbing anyway.  I think it should be encouraged.  Cranberry juice for all!


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